Another newbie - first experience of women was female peer perpetrated sexual abuse

Male born at end of 1970 here. As a female-perpetrated male sexual abuse survivior, who also has an Asperger Syndrome diagnosis, I experienced the worst side of women at chronological age 13, sociosexual developmental age of approx 8. Libido didn't boot till I was about 18.

Abuse ran till 18. Years before Childline, and even longer until the idea came out that men could be victims of abuse.

At the time, I had to keep this all packed in till 2004 when I had the first batch of counselling.. Gained a hell of a lot of weight as a consequence, but dealing with that. Also did a lot of work on myself over the years.

Bringing my sociosexual senses back online (which happened only a couple of months ago) has been a real Rip Van Winkle moment.

But even the concept of "platespinning" is completely foreign to the extremely loyal mindset of a Christian Aspie bloke. I'd NEED the trust and closeness of a solid LTR.

This piece was released on Cail's blog today - http://cailcorishev.wordpress.com/2014/02/12/navigating-the-murky-sexual-marketplace-good-girl-edition/

It basically described the culture that was running in 1984 when I shut down completely, and to be honest, the kind of culture my brain is still back at. I'm a Huey Lewis guy in a Beyonce/Miley Cyrus world... and it is disorienting at times.

There are guys like me who are still saving themselves for marriage - I knocked back some offers I had in the 90s, as I wasn't ready for all that back then. Considering the AS sexual development delay - it's like I'm 43 chronologically, but once fully back in there, I'd have been 35 sociosexually with just AS.. but with the rest of it?

But I can't do dark triad. At all. turned off completely by the infidelity-as-a-baseline prevalent in porn. Dunno how I'd describe myself.. Still in the shrinkwrap, I suppose.

Is that a male unicorn? IT Capacity Planner by profession.. but teenager-levels of innocence?

Got a lot of work on myself before I step out there...

Posted the above to Reddit RPW, first responses were..



I'm a Huey Lewis guy in a Beyonce/Miley Cyrus world

Human nature hasn't changed since we lived in caves. The scenery changes all the time, but we are who we are. Twitter and smart phones don't remove the animal from our minds. Fuck, our minds ARE the animal minds with a smattering of rational thought tossed in.

Humans are not rational thinking beings capable of emotion. Humans are instinctual animals driven by emotion with the capability of rational thought.

As for my advice to you:

You don't have to be dark triad to be successful. You don't have to be evil. If you don't want infidelity as a baseline; don't go that route. The point people try to make and sometimes fail is that you are the master of your domain. You are in control of you. You have a life mission (that doesn't involve romance).

Dark Triads are successful for precisely the reason you would think they would be. They put themselves first, always. They breeze through all shit tests like water because they don't care about the woman's opinion. Their frame is so solid because they literally can't see a reality where they aren't the center of the world.

You need outcome independence. Spinning plates makes this much easier because rejection has no power over you when you've got other access to sex, but it's possible to be outcome independent without other women in your life. It's just much harder to maintain.

Is that a male unicorn? IT Capacity Planner by profession.. but teenager-levels of innocence?

Innocence. Is. Not. Sexy. If you're 43 and "innocent", you need to change that pronto... I'm being dead serious when I say hire a hooker. You've missed the "saving myself for marriage" train. You can either forget that line of thought or you can die a virgin.

There is no male unicorn. You're either strong enough to extend your genetic legacy or you aren't.

When did it become that toxic? Or was my generation the last one with women on either the "marriage track" or the "party track"?

Am I right in thinking that I was derailed by the first carousel riders when they derailed my entire sexual development? Bitches.

So the full effect of my being sociosexually offline for 30 years is....

In order to experience the joys of sexual union - I aim my soul at hell and as GK Chesterton said "pay a woman to experience my own despicableness"? I have to go against my conscience? Then go into the whole casual sex thing? Learn to lie with my body?

Or just rely on the New Heaven and New Earth and for someone else to remember me?

deep sigh Looks like MGTOW's my only option. Know of any Baptist monasteries?

Truly a bitter pill to swallow...


Hi all... despondent..

Baptist, no ... Buddhist, yeah.

I haven't been through as much of it as you ... and I wasn't sexually molested until I got into my twenties. But I've had my own decades of being "sociosexually offline," and I agree ... if you experience it as a problem, it hurts. Oh, yes, it hurts.

But being single isn't the problem ... certainly not once you ramp up to Going Your Own Way, and accept fully that your life belongs to you. You can dedicate it to someone else, or to a cause, or to God, but YOU choose ... YOU decide. There is no one to force you, all anyone can do legally is tempt you or shame you - and those are like drinks; they only affect you if you accept them.

I grew up, grew mature, considering myself to be sociosexually worthless, for the most part. It took years of soul-searching to realize that what was going on with me wasn't "something wrong with me;" I was simply following a different track from "marriage-with-children" or from "party-down-clown." I was on a "spiritual-explorer" track, and my happiness, my contentment, my fulfillment came from within, not from Cupcake and the Kids or from the Carousel Riders at the "swingin' hot spot" downtown.

Relax, Alcockell ... and please drop the blue pills. You don't need a Baptist monastery; you don't need to find an old "retreaded virgin" in the Churchian Realm. I would suggest that you take a deep breath, relax your grip on the old blame and shame and hunger and pain, and meditate on what's RIGHT with you.

Damn. There's my Sermonette for the day.

Welcome aboard. I hope we can help you find Your Own Way.

Thanks for that.. I suppose I also saw the worst of women's behaviour during 5 years in St John Ambulance.

deadlifting women from loo floors, some of the stuff we saw...

St. John Ambulance ... God bless you for that service.